


In the still of the night

by Leksaklarke



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, The Gateways Club
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-10-15 10:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leksaklarke/pseuds/Leksaklarke
Summary: Set after 6x08- Patsy and Delia goes to the Gateways club, Patsy is unaware of Delia's visit and the barmaid that served Delia that night happens to be working again. Angst ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are various of Patsy and Delia Reunion on AO3 as well as Gateways outings, this takes a spin of Delia's scene at the Gateways. The woman who called the cab however, I decided to write her as the barmaid as you will see why.
> 
> I'm not a writer, so I'm not sure if this is very good, I just couldn't help myself as this idea occurred in my mind and wouldn't go away.
> 
> Title is from the 1956 song 'In the Still of the Night' by Fred Parris and The Satins

Delia sighed as she walked in through the usual entrance of the Gateways club. However, this time she was not alone, Patsy was walking in beside her, her hands tucked in her long coat. Though as they continue to walk in, one of Patsy’s hand slip out and clamps their fingers together tightly and securely. She sighs in relief as the bar woman who served her last time; when she was too busy getting slightly drunk to remove any thoughts of her girlfriend (obviously impossible as nothing, not even amnesia, could make her forget Patsy), wasn’t here.

They hadn’t actually had an actual conversation about what happened while Patsy was away, and Delia didn’t mention about her little outing to the Gateways while the ginger haired nurse was in Hong Kong. The next day of Barbara’s wedding, Patsy got back to work. Delia didn’t understand how her girlfriend had just return from long travels, was still grieving her father, could actually return to work- but Patsy quickly brushed it off indicating she didn’t want to talk about what happened. ‘No point in moping around Delia, there are babies waiting to be delivered.’ Delia knew she was still grieving and so she decided to give her some space and time.

Back to the Gateways club, Patsy eagerly leaded the Welsh woman onto the dance floor, blending in with the other couples that were slowly swaying to the current jazz song. Delia didn’t know where all this courage was coming from. They had only been here together once. The last time they were here, Patsy was still a little bit hesitant, worrying that somebody noticed them walking in the club or someone followed them. It had come by a surprise how Patsy had actually kissed her out in public when they reunited, though she couldn’t be happier about it.

“Deels?”

“Sorry Pats. I was just thinking.” Delia smiled in reassurance as Patsy had sounded concerned from her zoning out.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Delia shook her head. She wasn’t going to start rambling about how much she missed her, here, in the middle of a song and at a club. She wanted to enjoy the moment; after all, Patsy was the one who had asked to come here tonight, taking Delia by surprise once again- and she didn’t want to disappoint her. Yet, she would have rather talk about their time apart.

“I’m just really glad you’re back. To me.” Delia murmured. A gentle sigh escaped her lips as she could feel Patsy’s hand on her waist, pulling her in closer, felling the warmth radiating from the body against hers and that smell- Patsy’s perfume, the one that Delia turned to for comfort in the cold of the night.

“This is home Delia. You’re my home, I can’t imagine being anywhere else rather than here with you. I meant what I said you know.” Delia inched even closer at that. Her hand grasped at Patsy’s button up shirt, holding her tightly as if she would have to go away again. Delia surely wasn’t going to let her go again, she couldn’t bear the thought. Patsy’s lips curled up into a smile and she kissed the side of Delia’s head.

A few moments had passed and both of the women were exhausted as they danced through the songs playing one after another. Patsy was the one who pulled back, a tired loopy grin stretched upon her lips and Delia understood. “Drink?”

Patsy nodded and gently took hold of Delia’s hand again, walking them to bar. Delia was too busy looking down at their locked finger and smiling to notice how the bar woman from last time had walked out of the back.

“Delia! You’re back!” The woman (if Delia remembers correctly, called Adele) greeted happily with a grin. Adele looked back at Patsy and her clamped hands, making her grin wider. Pulling out a glass, Adele glanced at the Welsh again.  “The usual? Like last time?”

Delia swallowed nervously when she could feel Patsy’s hand tighten with hers before pulling away completely and suddenly, she could feel a pair of eyes gazing her.  Patsy raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat, pulling out a stool before sitting down.

“Last time?” Patsy asked. Her tone was curious, yet Delia could feel an icy tone slipping out, making Adele briefly glance at Delia before pulling out a bottle of what happened to look like red wine, the one Patsy and Delia had on their first official date, Patsy had of course offered to bring the liquor.

“Uh- no thank you. Not today. I’ll have whatever you’re having, Pats.” Delia answered carefully as she found her place next to her girlfriend.

Patsy had no right to be jealous really, she had no right not to barely even look at Delia and ignore her as if she almost didn’t exist. Not when Patsy hadn’t even made a time for them to talk, to discuss what happened while she was away. All that had been said was about; Trixie’s new love interest, the new midwife in Nonnatus and on how Delia’s studies were going.  Nothing about them or about how they both suffered without each other. But Delia knew her. She knew how Patsy dealt with her feelings and troubles. She simply bottles up her emotions and never speaks of them again. Patsy was just looking at her own feelings and not those of Delia’s.

“Pats?”

“Make that two.” Patsy’s lips twitched into a tight smile. Adele nodded and began to serve the drinks.

Delia swallowed the lump that was now forming in her throat, she didn’t have to feel guilty about slipping out of Nonnatus and ending up here, not when her girlfriend was halfway across the world and her friends were making wedding preparations. She couldn’t take it- and pouring out her feeling into a letter would only result in crying herself to sleep and scrapping the letter so she doesn’t worry Patsy. _Because Patsy had her own baggage to carry._

She tried to explain to her herself how she really didn't have to feel guilty. Not when the only thing that could help was by revisiting the places they had been together. Not when being surrounded by women like _her,_ to understand her pain. And certainly not when Delia only ended up here was to reminisce their first dance together. Their dance where they could finally be themselves in front of other and not having to hide in front of others. Being back at the Gateways, Delia could actually feel Patsy next to her; that warm and cosy feeling (granted that might have been the liquor starting to work, flushing through her body). Talking- well, rambling really, to Adele had actually worked and for the first (there was Phyllis but Delia was still warming up to the idea that she knows and Phyllis had her own problems to solve, too) time, Delia could talk to someone else about Patsy and their relationship. So no, Delia didn’t have to feel guilty.

So why was Patsy giving her the cold shoulder? The ginger haired woman couldn’t even spare a single side glance to her girlfriend and Delia could feel her chest starting to physically hurt as a tightening feeling, like a knot, started in the pit of her stomach. She only just got Pats back.

Adele had went to serve other women and Delia didn’t hesitate to turn and face Patsy, who was looking down at the glass of liquor in her hand, swirling the liquid around as if she was trying to find an excuse to not meet Delia’s eyes.

“Patsy?” She asked, her voice hoarse and small, but before the older woman could respond, the bartender was back.

“I’m glad you’re back here Delia. I was actually starting to worry about how things went after all that happened last time you were here.” Only it was then that Patsy abandoned her drink and finally looked at Delia. The brunette was already looking at her, and their eyes met. She could see a glint of confusion and… hurt? In Patsy’s eyes. She couldn’t be possibly thinking the worst of Delia, could she?

Delia sent her a look, one that said she would explain everything later... Just not out here.

Patsy nearly drowned down her drink in one go, her pale fingers holding the glass tightly and Delia feared it might break, crumble down into little shards of glass, almost like her own heart. Delia’s shaking hand grabbed her own drink, taking a small sip, the sweet liquor flushed down her body, easing up the sudden tightness.

“Is this her then? The one that disappeared? ” Adele asked, nodding her head at Patsy and Delia nodded hesitantly, furrowing her eyebrows as Adele grinned.

“She came back to you then.” She said enthusiastically, not looking up from the glass she was wiping in her hand. Delia could hear a sigh escape Patsy’s lips.

“What happened last time then?” Patsy asked with another tight smile grazed upon her lips, making Delia wince. She couldn’t even master an apologetic smile towards Adele.

Adele shrugged and settled down the glass she was mending before wiping her hands and looked up at Patsy. Before speaking, she took a quick glance at the two, sensing the thick tension that was filling the area. “I don’t think it’s my story to tell.” Glancing down to Patsy’s empty glass, she asked, “Another one?”

Delia resisted the urge to actually tell off Adele in that current moment. If it wasn’t her story to tell, why even mention it at all?

Patsy shook her head as she stood up, her eyes roaming everywhere but Delia, who struggled to form a quick ‘No, thank you’ and paying the woman before hurrying out after Patsy. She hadn’t even put on her coat again, and the cold fresh air felt like tiny daggers, but she scurried after her girlfriend.

“Patsy. Wait up.” She managed through her shaky breathing. Managing to catch up to the ginger haired nurse, Delia clutched onto her arm, pulling her and stopping her from further walking. “Why are you being like this?!”

Patsy fumbled with the pack of cigarettes she pulled out of her jeans, quickly lighting one up to calm her nerves. A cloud of grey smoke surrounded Delia. “Why didn’t you tell me? That you were here?”

Delia scoffed. Unbelievable. “Have I had a chance to mention it?”

“You could have if you wanted to, Delia.”

Delia’s eyes widened in disbelief, she shook her head and laughed falsely. "When Patsy?! When did I even have the chance to speak about anything I did while you were away? You keep putting it off whenever I try to talk to you about it, so _don’t you dare_ , say I could have bloody mention it.”

Patsy’s didn’t speak up, a cigarette still lit in her hand while her head hung down as she looked at the ground and kicked the little street rubble, not wanting to meet Delia’s eyes.

“Actually, you know what Pats?” Delia spoke up again, putting on her coat and she was surely going to get a cold now after being in the warm, headed out in the cold and putting on something warm again. Patsy lifted up her head; her eyes filled with sadness as opposed to Delia’s, whose eyes where filled with rage and tears threatening to spill if she raises her voice any higher.

“Forget it. I’m going home.” Delia spun around on her heels and started to walk towards the end of the street where around the corner they would find a bus stop for a bus back to Poplar.

“Deels...” The Welsh woman could hear a faint soft cracked voice calling her back, but she refused to walk back to Patsy. The tears were spilled now, her hand furiously wiping them away as she walked. She didn’t want to ruin her make-up and have the other residents at home question her.


	2. Long lonely nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, hello! Yikes, I'm sorry for the six months gap to release another chapter. I won't make excuses; I just was inspired enough to write another chapter but here it is now- yay! I hope you all like this, i'm not so sure to be honest. I suggest rereading the first chapter to refresh your memory. 
> 
> (Also, Patsy's thoughts are in Italics.)

The night was still cold as before, if not colder, now that little snowflakes started to fall through, hitting against the fabric of Patsy’s coat. She felt as if she couldn’t move- stood frozen there as she watched her lover make her way out of the narrow, hidden street of the Gateways club.

Patsy wanted to go back go back inside and confront Adele, ask about the time Delia was alone here and yet she couldn’t. ‘Not without Delia.’ Was her only thought. Even though Patsy had now been to the club more than once (with Delia), she just couldn’t walk in alone. She wasn’t brave enough to do so. Delia was like a shield to her but more than that too. She made Patsy feel courageous enough to face her demons but it also felt like they faced them together.

A million thoughts were still running through her exhausted mind, numeral of Delia, of course. She felt idiotic, why did she let her mind wander to that place? She trusted Delia and deep down she knew that Delia could never betray her like that, that she would never find comfort in another. So why was she such a fool and let her storm off? From the looks she had received at the club, Patsy knew Delia would explain everything when they were back home.

Patsy sighed and opened her packet of cigarettes again, grabbing one and lighting it up with her shaky hands. Exhaling the smoke, she closed her eyes and let the nicotine try to soothe her and her nerves. It didn’t work exactly. She need to get back home, talk to Delia instead of asking Adele. Patsy knew that she made a mistake when she wouldn’t let Delia mention her time alone- of when Patsy was with her dying father.  She quickly extinguished her cigarette and ran to the bus stop, hoping to catch the Welsh woman, but it was too late as she rounded the corner, the bus took off.

“Bollocks.” She whispered behind gritted teeth, breathing heavily. Now she had to wait for another one in this freezing weather... and Delia was going home all alone.

What will they say? Delia returning alone and then Patsy returning after her a while later, when they had left together?

No. Patsy wasn’t going to do this- worry about other people when Delia was obviously upset by the event of tonight. She needs to fix this.

Patsy knew her way back home of course, but it was different that she was all alone on her way back to Poplar. The trip was reminding her very much so when Delia was taken back to Wales and Patsy had found herself all alone, nearly losing her mind, too. She had vowed to herself that she wouldn’t find another- it was too hard to open herself up to other people, her own friends even (Trixie, for example) let alone trying to find a new companion. Delia was an exception... the Welsh was her soulmate. Now she felt even more stupid, she had already experienced being away from Delia more than once- why would she mess it up over this?

-

Since Barbara had gotten married and moved out, Phyllis was kind enough to offer her room to Delia and suggested that Patsy should room with the Welsh woman now instead of Trixie, ‘Good company’, she had said. Patsy didn’t know why but she was thankful anyway. (At least after ranting out to Delia how worried she was that they will start to suspect and how careful they must be.)

_‘Isn’t this what we dreamed of, Cariad? Surely, it’s nothing like having our own flat of course- and we’re living with a couple of nuns. Pats, did they suspect when you were rooming with Trixie? Why should they now?’_

_‘Rwy'n dy garu di. If something should happen, we’ll face it together. I promise you, cariad.’_

Now Patsy will surely have to face Delia because now creeping up into her room with Trixie, avoiding Delia and her feelings wasn’t a solution anymore. It also wasn’t right to her girlfriend. At breakfast, Delia would wear this mask, trying to smile happily and look cheerful but Patsy could see how her eyes weren’t lighting up at the jokes they were sharing and how she was avoiding any eye contact (with Patsy especially). It was heartbreaking and Patsy decided to at least try to put a stop to it. That was a start, right?

The ginger haired woman slowly creeped upstairs, not wanting to wake anyone up and God forbid anyone seeing her like this right now. Delia was her only priority right now. As she opened the squeaky door to their room, Patsy’s eyes immediately spotted her. She was laying on her bed, still in the clothes from the gateways and her back facing the door.

“Delia?”

No response came and Patsy’s stomach flipped guilty and she swallowed the knot in her throat before she whispered the name again. Of course, Delia would be asleep when she is ready to talk.

“Deels... if you’re awake, we _really_ need to talk.” Patsy tried again, desperately and Delia didn’t budge. She didn’t turn over to face her like she always did when Patsy walked in the room. When Patsy walked forward to her bed, she stopped next to her. She knelt slowly and softly.

“I’m so sorry,” She whispered, her voice cracking and Patsy breathed deeply. She wasn’t apologizing just for tonight but it was for all the other times, too. She placed her lips on Delia’s forehead and lingered a bit before pulling away. “I love you, darling. So much.’

She could have sworn she heard Delia sigh but Patsy shrugged it off as her eyes were still shut closed. She missed the tear stains on the pillow and she missed how Delia was trying to steady her breathing. Or how she was awake.

-

Sleep never came easy for Patsy, she never had a peaceful slumber since she was a young child. When there weren’t any nightmares, there was sleepless nights filled with thoughts. At nights like these, nights where Patsy and Delia weren’t exactly on good terms, she could never fall asleep.

_‘What if something happens? What if this was the last time we were to talk and see each other?’_

She’d learned that you should never go to bed when fighting with someone as who knows what could happen to them in the middle of the night? Or in the morning, on the way to work- God forbid. She had learned this from her childhood... back when her family were taken.

Somehow, she had managed to drift off into a slumber and she missed how Delia left the room early in the morning, skipping breakfast and without uttering a word to anyone of her absence.

-

The next morning, when the morning light glimmered from behind the curtains, Patsy opened her eyes to an empty bed.

Delia.

She had left without a trace. The bed was made as if nobody had slept on it that night. She stood up quickly and looked for a note- everywhere. Bed-side tables, the dressers, the bed itself- Patsy searched every corner in the room but found nothing. Usually, when Delia leaves early she likes to leave a brief note but not today. She was still mad, Patsy thought.

Patsy sighed and blinked rapidly, trying to stop the tears that were ready to spill any moment. She did her usual routine and went down for breakfast.

_‘Maybe Delia could be downstairs and that why she didn’t leave a note?’_

_-_

“Won’t nurse Busby join us this morning, nurse Mount?” Sister Julienne asked with her usual kind smile as she buttered a piece of toast.

Patsy nearly panicked to think of an answer but managed to fake a smile and shook her head. “I believe she isn’t working today and... her mother is visiting so I suppose she left early to join her at breakfast.”

No one seemed to question the event of last night and Patsy was thankful, she wouldn’t know how to answer. Phyllis didn’t seem to buy the excuse but Sister Julienne simply nodded with a smile and let it be known that Mrs. Busby could join them anytime she liked.

Patsy nearly grimaced at that... not that she didn’t like Delia’s mother. It’s just- well... Mrs. Busby didn’t look like she was fond of her. Delia always disagreed with that and assured Patsy that her mother was always like that even with her other friends at Wales - _just friends_.

‘ _We aren’t just friends, Delia.’_

_‘Pats... she doesn’t suspect if that’s what you’re implying. If she does, that’s not why she is like that. That’s just how she is with everyone. She can be a bit cold, even towards family.’_

Delia, Delia, Delia- was all she could think about. Where was she? For all Patsy knows, Mrs. Busby wasn’t currently in Poplar, so she had no idea where Delia could have gone.

This wasn’t like her. Delia never left without talking to Patsy and see what’s wrong, asking if she can be of a help of whatever issue Patsy is going through. She always came back to Patsy.

‘ _Maybe this is payback. After all, I do deserve this.’_

Patsy shook her head to clear her thoughts, she had an entire day ahead of her, she had to get to work and she will talk to Delia later. Patsy was certain that Delia won’t stay out late without telling anyone of her whereabouts _\- or would she?_

She couldn’t really stomach anything at this moment but Patsy didn’t want to be questioned further so she forced some quick bites of toast before excusing herself from breakfast, headed upstairs to get her last touches ready for work and then went to settle her bag.

“Patsy.” It wasn’t a question- and Patsy knew who’s voice it was. She stiffened as she was preparing her bag and paused before turning to face her best friend with a half (a bit forged) smile.

“Trixie... I’m just getting ready to head out. Is anything wrong?” Patsy asked, trying to distract from the subject Patsy suspected was yet to come.

“Shouldn’t I be asking that?” Trixie smiled sympathetically. “I’ve seen the way you were acting at breakfast. You never leave for work without a full stomach. So, what’s wrong?”

Patsy shook her head. “I’m fine, honestly, I’m just a bit tired.”

Trixie didn’t look like she believed any of it and tilted her head, looking at Patsy. “Didn’t you and Delia go to catch a film yesterday? Did you get home late?” She asked.

Trixie knew that Patsy was just bottling up her feeling again, whatever happened, she won’t just blurt it out, even if they’re best friends. Trixie wasn’t daft and thankfully her eyesight was still as well as ever. She vowed to herself she wouldn’t confront Patsy about it but instead to tell her herself instead, not that she would but Trixie preferred to wait rather than mess up a friendship.

“Yes, but we’ve missed the bus so we had to wait for the last one, a very late one.” It wasn’t a complete lie- she had waited for another bus. alone. Patsy tried not to give away anything by an expression, like how she was worried about Delia and their relationship for example.

Trixie hummed and nodded her head, and before she could say anything else, Patsy grabbed her bag and smiled. “Best be off! Don’t want to be late.” And with that she left, leaving a concerned Trixie behind.

**-**

When it comes to her work, Patsy thought was excellent at it, she was fully trained and qualified, very experienced and knew exactly what to do. She can easily switch to her ‘professional mode’ and focus on just midwifery- all her personal values and feelings forgotten and set aside until her shift is over.

Today wasn’t one of those days.

Patsy felt tired, her limbs and well- her entire body really, started to ache badly. She was _exhausted,_ not just physically but emotionally too. She was drained from the events that took place yesterday. Thoughts of Delia were still in place as if her mind was a pin board and Delia was a note pinned to it. Not even work was easing her thoughts today.

“Are you alright nurse Mount?”

Patsy opened her eyes wide and stared at the woman before her. She blinked twice and her lips twitched into what you can call a half smile. “Oh yes, I’m alright, thank you.”

She quickly unpacked the equipment from her bag and grinned tiredly, trying not to let it show. “Let’s find that heartbeat, shall we?”

-

When her shift was finally over, Patsy’s tiredness seemed to fade away as she quickly cycled back to Nonnatus, hoping with every bit of hope that Delia would have returned from her whereabouts. She parked the bike in place and grabbed her bag in a hurry that Fred kept staring at her.

“Someone really doesn’t want to miss supper.”

Patsy couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at that... if he only knew why she was in such a hurry.

Once she placed her bag back to where it belonged, Patsy hurried the halls on Nonnatus and went straight to the kitchen. Everyone turned their heads round to greet her home from work and her eyes quickly scanned the scene before her.

No dimpled smiles where in sight and no Welsh accent was heard to greet her. Her stomach dropped and wanted to close her eyes and take a deep breath, try to control her disappointment.

“Will you join us for supper, Nurse Mount?”

Patsy smiled kindly but refused. “I’m afraid I’m rather tired, I came to ask if I can head up for some rest?”

Sister Julienne nodded. “Of course. I hope you feel better soon.”

Her excitement was quickly turned into disappointment and her eyes were stinging with unspilled tears. She felt even more tired now and she walked down the halls and up the stairs. She was worried about the state of their relationship and more so, about Delia’s whereabouts.

Was Delia thinking about breaking it off? _Maybe she had enough of my constant worries and my ability to suppress my emotion, maybe she wants to find someone different, she deserves better. Someone not scarred._

No. Patsy has to- and wants to make this right, she doesn’t want to lose Delia, she is her entire world.

-

It was starting to get late, the sun had set, and Patsy could glimpse the light from the streetlamps from behind the curtains. She couldn’t lay down to rest before knowing her love is home and safe. She was sitting on her bed and her legs were twitching to get up, put on a coat and leave to search for the Welsh nurse- but where?

Could she be... no... she couldn’t be at Gateways again, could she?

Patsy didn’t hear the door handle rattle but she did her the squeak of the door as it was pushed open. Her heart started beating rapidly.

There was Delia, standing there with her maroon coat and a scarf around her neck. Her hair was pulled up in ponytail and her cheeks where tinged baby pink yet she was still a bit pale from walking in the cold. Patsy could see the dark sockets around her eyes yet Delia never looked more beautiful.

Patsy rushed to the Welsh, wrapping an arm around her waist and with the other she pushed the door closed before embracing her love with both arms. She closed her eyes, trying to push away the tears that threatened to spill and sighed out of relief.

She could feel Delia stiffen and Patsy’s heart ached. Was she right? Was Delia thinking of breaking up?

“Deels?” Her voice was hoarse and husky indicating how hurt and vulnerable she was now, more than ever.

“Oh Pats,” Was Delia’s response, her tone sounding as equal as Patsy’s. She hugged her close before pulling away. “We need to talk.” Patsy walked to her bed as Delia removed her coat and scarf, revealing her skirt, top and cardigan.

Patsy nodded and simply stared at Delia. _Christ, she’s beautiful. I don’t want to lose her._

“Where on earth have you been?” She uttered, just like the last time she was reunited with Delia.

“Hornsby.”

Patsy quirked an eyebrow and tilted her head at Delia, she expected her to be a Barbara or the Gateways. “Oh... your aunt, is it?”

Delia nodded softly and looked down to her feet, Patsy could she her fidgeting with her hands and smiled- it’s what she does when she is nervous. It’s what she did when they had their first date, their first kiss, and their first time. _So cute._

“Delia, I don’t even know how to begin to apologize for being daft. Of course, for many other reasons too. I’m such a fool but maybe you should talk to me about... about when I was away?” She asked.

Delia looked up, her expression showed her surprised. Of course, she was, Patsy finally wanted to talk after weeks.

“Pats.. I- it was horrible, without you here I felt as if a part of me was gone. As if like someone cut a hole in me.” She paused and looked at Patsy, no usual sparkle in her eye.

“The first few weeks, I was so hopeful. I thought I’d receive a letter from you soon and that was the thought that kept me going, that hope kept me on my feet each time I wanted to curl up in a ball of misery.” Patsy tried so hard not to choke up as Delia’s voice cracked.

“Delia..”

“The excitement I’d feel every time I happen to find the mail- not that I would let anyone check before me!” She chuckled sadly. “The sadness I’d feel when I don’t see your name or stamp from Hong Kong. Then came the wedding preparations for Babs and Trixie’s orthodontist and her preparing for their bloody date... I- I never felt so lonely in my entire life.

Then the whole war thing- everyone thought they were going to die so they spent their last day with their loved ones... I was stuck with midwifery books and a picture of you.”

Delia was rambling, she didn’t even know if she was angry or sad but she looked up and saw the look upon her girlfriend’s face. She shuffled close and touched her hand. Patsy was still grieving her father after all and Delia was being selfish, blaming her.

“Oh Cariad, I didn’t mean It like that... I know you didn’t leave as if you wanted to, like going on a holiday. I’m sorry- you were right. It did hurt us both so much.”

Patsy shook her head. “It’s okay Deels, you deserve a chance to be angry at me. I could have written, I wanted to but I was just.. I didn’t know what to say, the whole thing with my father affected me so much that I didn’t know how to express myself on a piece of paper. I’ve shut myself down and I’m so, so sorry Delia.”

“You’re wondering about the Gates’ aren’t you?” Patsy nodded guiltily and Delia chuckled with no trace of humor.

“As I’ve said, when the wedding preparation started, I didn’t know how to feel. Half happy for Tom and Barbara and half sad that you weren’t there with me... and jealous that they could get married but you and I can’t.

I wanted to go somewhere to remember you, vividly, not just smell your perfume and sleep in your bed when Trixie weren’t here. So... Gateways club it is. It’s where we first danced, publicly and where we were surrounded by women like us. I don’t know, I suppose it felt a bit like home, you know?”

_I am such a bloody fool. Obviously Delia would want to go there because of where we first danced and held hands and express our love publicly._

“Walking in to see couples dancing... it made my heart ache to be honest. I wished that was us. So, I went straight to the bar. I ordered our wine, I didn’t plan on getting slightly drunk but I did.. and I rambled to Adele, the barmaid, and she decided to call me a cab. That’s it really.” Delia finished truthfully with a hint of sadness. She breathed deeply and sighed.

Patsy closed her eyes and sighed herself, she felt stupid for not letting Delia explain before.

“I was so terrified you were gone and I lost you forever Pats. I must have said something along those lines to Adele. I know I said I feel as if I’ve disappeared,” Delia said and squeezed Patsy’s hand. “She didn’t mean any harm you know, she was just happy you’ve returned and we’re together.”

Patsy nodded dumbfounded and unable to utter a single word to apologize. _So many apologies._

“Not as a happy as I am, though.” Delia grinned and Patsy could hear the Welsh in her voice.   _She such an angel._

“I feel like such an idiot Deels, she probably thinks I’m this psychopathic protective girlfriend who doesn’t trust you.” She huffed and Delia’s grin widened and Patsy’s heart skipped a beat.

“You are,” Delia teased. “Protective that is. Psychopathic? Eh, not really.” Patsy laughed, it was true, she was protective of Delia. As her laughter died down, Patsy looked at the floor before looking up again to face Delia.

“We had many unresolved issues Deels, and that was my fault for not letting you express yourself just so I don’t have to hear what I caused from not writing to you. I promise you that you were in my thoughts all the time and daily. I can never stop thinking of you, or forget you Delia Busby.” She paused and smiled weakly, “I love you.”

She could see Delia tear up and for a second Patsy thought she made her upset before she saw the dimpled smile etched on her face. “Oh, come here you!” Delia giggled and embraced Patsy. “I love you too Patience Mount, never doubt that!”

“I’m not that much of a fool!” Patsy chuckled and caressed Delia’s soft and warm cheek. “Well, I might be... but I’m a fool in love with you.” She breathed, looking up in Delia’s eyes.

“I will talk to you from now on Deels- I won’t just bottle up my feelings and then take It out you. I’m sorr-‘’

Soft lips met hers, jolting her in surprise as she wasn’t expecting it, nevertheless Patsy shuffled closer and kissed Delia back, moving her hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, holding her softly as if she was made of porcelain and would break easily.

As they pulled back, a smile can be seen on Delia’s lips. “I had to interrupt you somehow!” She whispered with a chuckle. “I’ve lost count how much you’ve apologized already and you know I forgive you Cariad.”

“I know but you’ve made me reflect a lot today, so I wanted to inform you.” Patsy smiled contently and played with Delia’s fingers.

“I’m proud of you Pats. I really am.” Delia whispered before kissing her temple. “One more thing...” She said.

Hearing the uncertainty and hesitation in Delia’s voice alarmed her, so Patsy sat up and looked at Delia with curiosity. “What is it?”

“… Phyllis knows. About us I mean.”

“What?” Patsy breathed and her eyes widened.

Delia place her hand on her shoulder trying to calm Patsy’s worries but the ginger haired woman’s heart was racing so fast it felt as if it will rip out of her chest.  Was it because of yesterday? And Today’s breakfast and dinner situation?

“She won’t say anything Pats, relax. She found out the day you left for Hong Kong. She saw how distressed I was and offered me a Spanish poem book and her own thoughts on love. I’m sorry, you know I wear my emotions on my sleeve I couldn’t deny it. Not then Pats, not when she was so supportive.”

Patsy nodded numbly, absorbing every word Delia was saying. If Phyllis found out months ago and she hasn’t said anything, why must she worry?

“Did you... talk to her about us?” Patsy questioned. Delia shook her head.

“Apart from your father’s funeral on the newspaper and the letter, not really no. She was so helpful though Patsy and she never mentioned anything.” Delia assured her.

“I’m glad you had someone here to show support, especially someone like Nurse Crane, what a brick of woman.” Patsy smiled to let Delia know she’ll be alright in the end.

“I’m so glad you’re taking this well!” Delia grinned and rubbed Patsy’s shoulder affectionately.

“Well I suppose it’s about time I stop thinking everyone out there is out to get us and ruin our lives.” She sighed. “We still have to be careful though.” Delia raised and eyebrows and pulled a face, as If to say, ‘Obviously pats!’.

Delia’s hand traveled along Patsy’s neck, stroking the smoothness of her skin there before tracing the outline of her jawline, she could see amusement in Patsy’s eyes and Delia smirked. “So, if we’re done apologizing... what shall we do now?”

“Delia Busby, what on earth are you suggesting?” Patsy teased as Delia continued running a hand through Patsy’s hair. Delia smiled mischievously and shrugged, making Patsy gape.

“Oh, come on Pats, I’m only joking.” Delia said, hiding a smile and sounding serious. “Only if you’re up to it I’m not!” She added and giggled. Patsy couldn’t help but laugh herself, the first real laugh in ages. _What did I do to deserves this beautiful angel?_

In one swift motion, Delia pulled her in and closed the gap by kissing her again, this time a little more fiercely as Patsy could feel the neediness in Delia’s kiss. It didn’t feel as if she’d pull away anytime soon (and not that Patsy wanted to anyway) so Patsy kissed back, deepening their kiss further.

She could feel Delia smiling into their kiss and as if it was contagious (it is at times), Patsy smiled too before she could feel Delia’s tongue licking her bottom lip and Patsy’s nearly moaned as their tongues met in a hungry passionate kiss. She could feel her neediness now too and so did Delia.

The kiss got a bit heated, Delia was now straddling Patsy and her grip was firm on her. They were trying their best to be quiet and they were succeeding until a loud noise interrupted them and Delia stopped mid-kiss, their lips still locked together. Patsy felt her stomach rumble and Delia had to pull away, bursting in a fit full of laughter as the stomach made a sound. Patsy groaned and tried to pull Delia close again.

“Pats did you skip dinner?” She asked, her laughter dying down and Patsy nodded.

“But it’s alright, really! I can go grab a snack later Deels.” She replied, leaning in for a kiss but Delia shook her head and stood up, watching Patsy pout

“Come on, let’s go grab something from the kitchen, I’m not going to leave my girl starve as I have my way with her in a convent!” Delia smirked, leaving Patsy flustered and speechless. She cursed her stomach and got up.

“Delia Blodwyn Busby!” Patsy recovered (though still a bit flustered and a bit grumpy) and rushed after her. _She’ll be the death of me, I swear._ “Wait up!” She half whispered and half yelled.  She could hear Delia’s giggles as she walked down the stairs and Patsy followed suit.

-

It was around midnight and they had to keep quiet not to wake up anyone or disturb any nuns. Delia made her special beverage, some Bournvita (no Johnnie Walker this time though) and Patsy didn’t feel like eating a full dinner anyway so she settled for slice of cake and some biscuits instead.

She wrapped her arms around the mug and smiled, thinking about this evening, feeling glad they had made up. Looking at Delia, happiness spread through her entire body and she felt warm, like home.

“Deels?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you feel like going to the Gates’ tomorrow evening after work?” Patsy asked with a lopsided smile. “It’s okay if you’d feel tired and don’t feel like it, I just want to apologize to Adele and thank her for the cab.” She explained.

“I’ll be fine, I don’t want to interrupt Patsy Mount’s apology marathon!” Delia teased before settling for a warm inviting smile (as usual). Patsy smirked and shook her head.

Finishing their hot drinks and their stomach full of sweets, Patsy stood up. “Come on old thing, let’s get to bed.” She yawned and Delia pouted.

“Too tired for card games?” She asked innocently as she stood up and place their mugs in the sink before walking towards Patsy.

Patsy flushed as she heard the innuendo. “Cheeky!” to which she received the typical playful Busby smirk.

“You love it!” Patsy didn’t deny it.

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, what an angsty ride with a touch of fluff in the end. I wasn't sure what to make Delia's middle name but quickly decided on Blodwyn as it's Welsh. (Totally didn't look up Welsh names for girls, what are you talking about.) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hoped you liked this.


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